18th July 2021

I've finished watching The Last of Us in japanese today and for the first time I think i've fully understood it. I've got this strange feeling in me which I can't really explain. It's the same feeling I got after finishing Furious 7 (when that song kicks in), it almost feels like i just lost someone, someone close to my heart, someone whom I haven't yet met. It's just a weird feeling isn't it. I know this feeling will be gone in like a day or two yet I want to lose this feeling right now and kinda stick with it for the rest of my life. You know when they say some video games are not meant for kids and that they shouldn't play those games? That is absolutely true.

I've seen the entire Last of Us walkthrough atleast twice before and it never felt like this, probably because I didn't understand it this well before: what Ellie means to Joel, what Joel means to Ellie, the things they've been through, the people they have lost in this journey. I think it hurts even more because I know what happens in part 2. I just feel like I am dying inside. It is similar to what I felt after watching Your Lie in April except I can't cry my heart out which makes it difficult to let go. I did start watching the Uncharted 4 walkthrough which I am definitely going to discontinue like right now cause I can't take it. Uncharted 4 is that one game that I have completed myself and I don't wanna lose that feeling. 

Its weird how many things I've come across in my life that weren't really supposed to be a part of my life. A shit ton of things. 

Your Lie in April - I just wanted to cry out loud and this anime worked its way like a catalyst. It was amazing definitely but what it also did was create that roadway, kinda like an entrance for other animes, ones like Anohana, Your Name, K-On and produced that love for the Japanese culture in me. Heck I don't think I would even have come this far or even started learning japanese if I had never been introduced to anime. It sometimes feels a bit bizarre looking back, looking how far I've come.

Next on the list is Ali Abdaal and I am grateful to those youtube algorithm lords who sent me that "How I came first in Cambridge" video. I can't stress it enough how much I needed that video. Everything I know so far, anki, notion, spaced repetition, retrospective timetable and all that jazz, of course I don't use all of it now but having that knowledge at disposal it just amazing to say the least. 

Next on this list is KSI and the Sidemen. I used to watch them when I was like 12-13 and then somehow stopped watching them and then finding these guys again and just looking at the sheer amount of subs they have now is just mad! I have kinda stopped watching them again but i'll definitely go back once i reach a good level of japanese and find more time to procrastinate. 

I don't really know if I will continue this journal writing cause I am never consistent with anything ever. I get motivation to do something and then it just dies off in like a week or two so yeah. I do wanna do this though. Writing about daily life and stuffs is an amazing thing to do and is an amazing way to really see the growth in writing patterns, usage of more mature words, difficult sentences.